Favorite Hobby

We all know that Dad loved his photography.
Just when he knew everything there was to know about cameras, film, slides and darkroom chemicals. The world went digital on him..
Oh, he fought it for a couple years.. but then Mike bought a nice Cannon EOS digital SLR. He saw what it could do and realized all his Cannon lenses would fit and went out and bought his own.
He was still trying to learn all its tricks and quirks when he learned of the cancer..


Almost two months ago was the last time he used it..
He are a few of his last shots.

Neon tree garden.

Recreating Italy Vegas style.

This building is the Center for Brain Research.. Dad was fascinated with this atrocity, as he should be. Every time we passed it he said 'I need to get a picture of that.'  He finally did.

Dad loved full moons.Thought they were romantic. Here in the desert it lights  up the neighborhood.. 

Mt Charleston.. Fourth of July weekend.

His slide shots are amazing, the closet under the stairs has box after box of slides.. I need to get a one of those gadgets that transfers them to digital.. Slides from all his trips and classes and photo clubs.. quite the archive. 

Tears, love, and hugs in Las Vegas.

Yesterday I read so many great tributes to my Dad.
Kind and gentle were words often used. 
Because he was.
Memories of Bob


I would like to tell you about my Uncle Bob.


Waking up Yesterday Morning, both houses were full of some of my favorite folks.
God bless Josh, he was a cooking fool all weekend long.. He kept us all well fed.

Okay that never happened.

But that thing called life keeps moving us along, and fresh tears and news rounds of hugs every time we said goodbye to Sarah, Laurie, Julia, Kathy, Topher, Josh and Jake.  



Mike is staying the week.. 


Thank you everyone for the support and love you have sent this way.. 


We are still working on Dads Memorial Service.. I promise we haven't forgotten.. 

We love you Dad.

Today as family and loved ones gathered in his room, Dad passed to the sounds of our voices.. 

Telling funny stories and laughing at the life we all shared together.

He will be missed in every way.

We will be holding a memorial service in Utah, for all those who want to join us in celebrating his life.
Details are not clear yet, but I will keep everyone posted on where and when.

Church coma

When we were kids, we were highly amused by Dad falling asleep sitting at church.
After a hard week at work and usually a Saturday spent on projects, Sunday morning spent listening to the calm drone of monotone speakers at the pulpit, proved too much..
His head and eyes would grow heavy and we would giggle then poke him if he started to snore.







So now he is sleeping most of the day.. just sleeping.. Mike says he is in a Church Coma.


I hope that his dreams are of the happy times and his heart remembers the love..


Although in recent years he no longer attended church services, he never lost his moral compass..
and still believed in the teachings of years ago.. 
A true 'do unto others', family first, kind of guy..


We all love you Dad.. 

Still fixing things.

Dad has been a little more lucid today.
He must be getting use to the meds.. 
But between moments of semi clarity he is having some strange dreams..
Telling us how to fix things...
Asking about phantom football scores.. hope all those hallucinations are happy ones.

There that should work!

He  sometimes recognizes who is in the room... wants to sit up.. lay down... drink some water.. sit back up.. lay back down...  well you get the idea... The old guy is a tiny bit demanding today..  

And we still love him like crazy.  (Maybe I shouldn't use the word crazy, considering.)

Josh flew into today.. Mike's Jake tomorrow.. along with cousin Julia and Laurie.  

The support has been amazing.. From blog and Facebook comments, to  

Snail Mail letters and Phone calls.. 

There is no doubt that he is loved.. that Mom is loved.. 

Having my siblings here has been my best medicine and I think that Mom would agree.

Topher Mike and Sarah are way better than a Xanax or a Prozac.

Thanks to everyone who has been there for us during this awful time... Family and friends are truly a blessing!

Sucks no matter how you say it.

This morning Sarah flew in..
Mom went to the Hospice and us kids went to pick her up.



Hugs. Nice.

 We grabbed a bite then off to see Mom and Dad.. But Dad was pretty out of it.
They have him on some heavy drugs.. The nurse asked him yesterday if he wanted some pain and to be a little more awake... or no pain and lots of blissful sleep.. He chose zero pain..

He wakes only to hiccup and sip water. 
He doesn't know who is in the room or if he is left solo... Heartbreaking for all of us..
His system is starting to shut down. The nurse says he won't have to suffer much longer.

Sometimes it's the best thing.

The last couple of days have been rough for Dad.. and everyone..
He can't get comfortable.
He has a new trick of throwing up his pain pills and every drop of liquid in his belly.
He doesn't want to visit.
A miserable guy.
Mom called the nurse,desperate for some relief.
They said it's time to bring him into the Hospice and get him stabilized.

Pain is bad.

Mike and Topher loaded him up in the car.. and off we went.
The staff were very nice... the boys had them laughing in about 2 seconds.... They quickly learned that we are a crew that can take a joke...
Maybe it was the blue bucket that Topher had attacked with a Sharpie.. "Puke Bucket" one side..
And "Boo boo this is not Pic-i-nic basket" with a cartoon spewing on the other side.



So boring.

Dad settled in nicely at first.. good drugs right into his system... but was regressing tonight.. back to hugging his little blue puke bucket. He is in the right place. They know what to do.. these Saints disguised as nurses do it everyday.

Some may think that we are irreverent.
We all deal with grief our own way..
Some drink or take pills.
Others get angry and punch out innocent walls..
We make jokes.. we say things that we shouldn't and we laugh.
If it seems wrong to those around us, so be it.
The tears are close to the surface, spilling often.
The hugs are always sure to follow.

Checking Dad in..

BTW Sodom's new FaceBook Page has been a fantastic distraction.

Pssssst......... Your love is showing.

The weekend has brought more loved ones to our doorstep.
Uncle Kent drove here from Salt Lake City on Friday.
I had forgotten how very much like Dad (his brother) he is.



Couple of smart guys.



That love to travel and have a great story for every place they have visited.

Kent went with me this morning on the familiar drive to the airport to pick up Mikey.
Mike took a leave of absence from work to be here during this sad and trying time. I love my little brother.
Tomorrow he volunteered to get up early and pick up Topher... Another reason to love him dearly.


Yay Topher!

 
Dad is weaker every day.
I am so lucky to have such strong yet gentle brothers to come help... I know it means so much to Mom..
I think the teenagers raise some pretty decent humans.

Knock Knock

Dad had a doctor from the hospice come visit today. (He was scheduled for Friday, but there was a cancellation.... wonder what canceled means in hospice terms???)

He was a older gentleman, tall, graceful and wearing a proper hat.. Dr Stoughton.


Felt like warping into 1945.

He was frank and honest.. giving advise and preparing us for what no one wants to prep for.
We asked questions concerning his lack of food... it's been over a week since he has eaten.
Oddly enough feeding tubes and forced hydration usually speed up the death process.. the greedy, mutant, evil cancer cells take the nutrition first, growing at a faster rate.


I hate you cancer cells... I really do.

 Mike, Topher and Sarah are coming in next week... Mom and I really need the support.
Dad is asleep most the time, not interested in conversation when awake.. ( normal according to Doctor House Call ..)
Patients often distance themselves from loved ones..

It is also common at this stage to have a good day or two... then pay for it with several down days.. not always a steady decline, more like a demonic roller coaster.


Dad says he is ready to go...
I will never be ready ..... nor will those of us who love him.

What I want.

45 Years ago............




Here is a list of what I want for my Birthday!

A pony on a trampoline!



My very own cool library.



A house, literally on the ocean.

 


Why not? Doesn't hurt to ask.

 But mostly I want to see my Dad smile.



Hey, what's in that fantastic van?

Friday night a big old beat up van rolled into town.


Who could be in there?

 I will give you nine guesses!
Rhone
Janet
Quynn
Chelsea
Amy
Brad
Isaac
Luke
Jessica
But that isn't all!
Stephanie came flying in from Boston..


Good Heavens.. I bet they want food and stuff.

 After Mom warned them all how poorly Dad was doing... How he probably wouldn't be that social.
He came strolling on over.. Okay, he had a little help.
Yesterday he sat with everyone for several hours.. talking.. drifting in and out a bit. But was up and conversing long enough to make Mom a liar.
He did much better than I expected.. Isaac, the two year old knew he was Grandpa Bob and didn't bounce on him or anything.

See how well behaved he is!  
 (Now I know why cartoons were invented.)

It was great to have everyone here.
Now the house is so quiet...




I tried to get this one to do the dishes,
 Chelsea insisted on doing them.
Babies are so lazy.



feisty

Dad is feisty today!
First the neighbor came over to fix the ceiling fan in the Sutter home guest bedroom.. (wonder why? Topher?)
He had to supervise. I think he was snoozing just a little. Like managers do.

Then I reminded  him tonight was Football!


No not that kind of football!

The big, bad kind of football.


I'm not sure where his spirit and pluck came from today.. but he had things to say about the crazy lady next door..
The one who is squatting in her own home post foreclosure.
The chatty woman who steals the water from the Teenagers spigot to bath. 
Then asks me if she is going to go to hell if she has sex with her new boyfriend? Because God isn't cool with that...
Um why is she asking me that?
Just find a real shower before you even think about such things!  I won't repeat Dads comments on the subject.

I just wish I could unhear what has been said.

Mom bought him one of these.. for easy football viewing.


It's laying on the floor... 

 
Down right spunky... and I was glad to see it! Go team!